February 7, 2004

• Another mental few weeks. Gran Canaria was great, not as relaxing as i’d planned but it was good fun and really nice to be in the sun for a week. I had been so stressed out before I went that the sudden abscence of nothing to do actually caused me to feel MORE stressed!! I think I’ve been running on nervous energy for so long now that when I had the chance to sit back and relax I found myself positively vibrating with nervous energy!! My travel companions often had to tell me off for rocking back and forth. Anyway, by the end of the week I had actually managed to wind down to the degree that I was managing to sleep for four hours straight – it was just before we were due to go back that I realised I actually wished I’d booked two weeks and not one. I almost used my credit card to book the apartment for seven more days and buy another ticket home, but that would’ve been silly wouldn’t it!?

  
  

  The cafe and the dog hadn’t fallen apart or died while I was away which was nice. The cafe wasn’t doing very good business though, and hasn’t been for some time now. I have been looking at ways to get a bit more cash rolling in and I have decided to put the prices up (we really are TOO cheap!), and to advertise ourselves more. Word of mouth has worked so far, but only so far. If things don’t get better in a few months I’ll have to look at selling up. I don’twant to do that as I’ve put so much time and effort into the venture but I am losing money at the moment and that’s not cool!

  
  

  I am also looking at new business opportunities. I am considering starting a language school here in Birmingham. I am still working part-time in one and to be honest, I feel that I could do it better. I really need the time to sit down and start researching the whole thing. I’d need a pretty good business plan though as i have no cash now.

  
  

  busy, busy, busy!!

  
  

  To round up this round up…I went straight from work on Thursday night to visit my Mother in hospital; she’s gone in for tests on her leg (well, one of them!) She had an insect bite months ago and it became infected. The GP kept fobbing her off and now it has gotten REALLY infected and finally the medical profession has agreed that it needs attention now. The problem is though that there is a chance, a very outside chance I must hasten to add, that it may have become so infected that it may have to come off! My mum is understandably upset and being in hospital is not fun for here either. She and my dad have only been apart once in 38 years so i guess neither of them are sleeping that well at the moment. She is putting up with it all in her usual Irish-stoic manner but i know she’ll be glad to get out of there. We had a nice visit, there were just the two of us and the ward she is on is not a public one (a lucky chance – we can’t afford private medicine!!) so we sat in her room and talked about the business, my teaching work, my work with the refugees, the family etc. We didn’t exactly avoid talking about her leg but to be honest the subject was brought up, dealt with and then moved on from. As I said, the likelyhood that she’ll lose part of one limb is very very slim, I think they are just goig to fill her up with anti-biotics.

  
  

  When I left I phoned up the boyf. for  a chat as I wouldn’t be seeing him that night. He sounded a little weird when I called and I asked him what was up. He said, “my Mother’s in hospital”. I said mine too, but I realised that something was up. He began to cry. I managed to get from him that his mother has been put on a ventilator as she cannot breath by herself and he blood oxygen level has plummeted and her carbon dioxide levels have skyrocketed. His mother hasn’t been well for years now. For as long as I’v known her she has had breathing problems and the last time I went to Dublin with the boyf. she was hooked up to oxygen 24 hours a day – but still as sprightly as ever! I went straight over to the boyf.’s flat and held him in my arms as he cried and cried. I haven’t felt so helpless, or is it useless? for such a long time. All I could do was hold him.

  
  

  It looks almost certain that she is not going to make it. He is taking an early flight out to Dublin tomorrow morning. I’m on stand-by should he need me to be there. They are keeping her on the ventilator so that he can be there before she goes. I’m heartbroken and I only met her twice. I am frustrated by my lack usefullness at the moment. I am doing all the sensible stuff though, taking his bag, picking him up and getting him to the airport but it doesn’t feel like much.

  
  

  Don’t know what else to say at the moment. Things ain’t that great at the moment!! Sorry to bring you guys down. Hopefully there’ll be some better news soon.

  • 3:07 pm
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