July 25, 2010

• The trip 'home'

  I went home to Birmingham on Tuesday morning at the crack of dawn (cheapest flight) and found it much the same as I left it. I had to wander around the town centre for about four hours till I could get into my cheap but always cheerful ETAP hotel room. It's funny going back to the city that I ended up spending so much of my life in, I felt 'at home' of course but also very much the tourist. It was nice to spend time just sitting and watching people rushing to work and also thinking back to when I was one of those people.

  Though I was home to go and spend some time at Desmond's resting place I had decided before coming that it wasn't going to be about sadness at the loss of him. Instead I would spend time with people who knew and loved him. Sadly none of Desmond's family wanted to see me but there were plenty of other people; 'our family' and I guess that they are the ones who ultimately count.

  In the evening I went down to Hurst Street (B'ham's gay quarter) and met two friends for (lots) of drink and a little dinner. It was a lovely night and it was warm, we got to sit outside and just talk and talk! Desmond was never far from our conversation - this is nothing new for me it has to be said as he very much lives on in my thoughts and many daily comments to others on how he would have done/did something and tales of places been to or experiences had. Eventually we either drank enough or it got too late to drink any more and I bade them farewell until we could be together again. I went back to my hotel and went to bed - not before having a loooooong shower as I adore hotel bathrooms with towels I don't need to wash and unlimited hot water!!

  Wednesday was the actual anniversary of Desmond's death and once I got up and had breakfast I walked over to the graveyard. I was upset at first to see the amount of damage to the headstones. Such a shame as many of them are (or were) Victorian and quite ornate. There wasn't a single statue with it's head intact and the larger headstones had been pushed over. I know this kind of vandalism happens everywhere but it once again confirmed that leaving England behind was the right thing to do. I also had a bit of a panic as I couldn't at first find out where I had placed Desmond's ashes but I eventually tracked them down and I was very happy to see that the rose I planted two years ago had taken. Desmond always used to tell me that his beloved aunt used to say that if a rose grows in the garden then there will be love in the house. I also planted some tulips as they were another favourite plant of his and they would remind both of us of several trips we took to Amsterdam over twenty years ago now. I sat down with him and spent a while just chatting to him and letting him know what's been going on. I had this idea that although I speak to him every day maybe he could only hear me when I was sitting next to him - he was famously deaf in one ear! Well, it was just lovely sitting there. I told him how much I loved him and how much I missed him still, I got to tell him how I was living in Northern Ireland now and how I had met Patrick and that he was a lovely patient soul who put up with me for some strange reason!

  Eventually it was time to go, I felt I had said all I could and probably nothing much new if there is any way that the departed can still hear us. It was hard walking away - more difficult than the first time I left him there and I shed a few tears as I did so but that's okay.

  Later in the afternoon I went to see my sister and mynephews and nieces in Wolverhampton. Chris my nephew is doing very well after all the brain surgeries and the traumas around that. He has a long way to go yet of course but hopefully he will continue to improve and will be able to live independantly one day. My niece on the other hand hasn't begun to recover from the multiple rape she endured and the resulting criminal trial which was sadly delayed and delayed and now may never take place. I'm not suggesring that she should have recovered btw, I only meant to say that she is still very much affected by the ordeal and it is sad to see that she is living a shadow of her previous life. All in all it was sad to visit the house with so much sadness there but I love the occupants so much that of course I would not even consider missing a chance to see them all.

  That evening I had dinner with a close and mutual friend of Desmond's and his new partner. We had a lovely time and it was nice to catch up and, of course, share a few more tales of Desmond. I returned to my hotel and packed my bag before heading for the bathroom and then bed.

  My last day was always going to be a bit of a puzzle - I was on the last flight home that day (cheapest) and of course everyone I knew in Birmingham would be working so I decided that a day trip into Mid Wales was the best way to spend the time. This was for two reasons really; I got to see once again a part of the world that Desmond and I loved so much and also my parents moved there just four days before I flew over to England. I took a six hour return journey for a four hour surprise visit but it was so worth it! It was lovely to see where my parents and my aunt are living and I think they have found an excellent house; near the sea and with a view of hills and green fields.

  I had enough time to chat with them and to catch up and also enough time to stand on the local beach, which coincidentally Desmond and I stood on during our last trip before he got ill, and look out to sea - towards the island where my new life now is and with my back to the island that has more memories than I could ever hope to share with anyone. It was wonderful to be there with Desmond so present for the last few days and now it was time to turn away and head home.

  • 9:30 am
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