August 22, 2010

• I'm sitting here with the weblog editor open and cannot think of a single thing to say. I have meant to blog before now but each time I'm just blank. It makes me sad to think that this blog might be slowly dying along with so many other people's blogs that I used to read. I keep blaming Facebook but there must be more to it than that surely?

  I look back at past entries I have made and see that I regularly just blogged about stuff I was doing but I just can't bring myself to write down what's going on around me now - not because there's anything bad happening, just that it seems too ordinary and every day that it no longer feels like it's a story worth telling.  

  Life is pretty much grand at the moment. I'm happy enough in my relationship with Patrick, I could do with some friends in Belfast that feel more mine than his or 'ours' but that's not something I can do much about right now. I'm earning enough money to pay my bills and not too bothered about making that much more if I'm honest. I like what I do; teaching and giving therapies but I'm not interested in chasing promotion or opening up my own massage premises just yet. I would like a holiday for sure but I'm not able to just head off on my own leaving Fintan and Patrick to look after themselves!

  I sound like I'm depressed, but I really don't feel that way. Maybe a little bored but not depressed.

  Something important is happening on Tuesday morning which may lift the boredom but it's not guaranteed - I'll blog about that more when I'm able to.

  I should update on my family I guess; if for no other reason that I might look at this entry a year or so from now and wonder why I didn't.

  You might remember that in late 2005 my dad almost died when my mom, dad and I were on holiday in Gran Canaria? We had all kinds of traumas around the insurance company refusing to help us and mediccal bills mounting up at a shocking speed, he had to be put into a 'coma' for almost a week but pulled through and eventually returned home. Well, dad's still with us! He and my mom and an aunt moved to Wales about four weeks ago and this time they all plan to stay for good this time. I'm very happy about this as the air is cleaner, the people friendlier and the countryside around them is beautiful. He has to take oxygen most days due to his condition (COPD) but every time I see him or even just talk to him on the telephone I am reminded how lucky we all are that he made it through that ordeal and he is hopefully going to be with us for many more years.

  My mom is okay, I often get the feeling that she takes great pleasure in the way I live my life - doing things that she would love to do but cannot. She adores Patrick and loves the life I have here; she likes the theatre for example but doesn't get the chance to go very often. She's been to visit us twice now and I know that the chance to spread her wings a little and not being in my dad's shadow is good for her soul.

  My sister and her two eldest children continue to worry me. Her eldest daughter was raped as I may have said before and she is still dealing with that and of course my nephew is recovering still from the awful brain injuries that happened late last year. My sister had two children very young with an unsuitable man and then had another two with a similarliy unsuitable man when she was in her late 30's. She seems to just walk into these situations and I fear that she is never going to be free of the situations she has created for herself. I wouldn't mind but she is so unhappy and that breaks my heart as there is very little that I can do to help her. Don't get me wrong, she loves her children very ,uch and no mother could do better for her kids than she; I just wish that she had time for herself in all of this - she went from child to adult so quickly and I wonder if she'll ever have time to sit back and just be herself.

  Still, all things considered everyone is okay - could be better perhaps - but they are all ok.

  It's funny but I never really talk about my two brothers in all of this. I am the eldest child of four but I was always closer to my sister and having left home as soon as I could to start my own life I guess I've just drifted apart from my brothers. If I hadn't gone back to Birmingham when I did and if I hadn't done things like employing my sister in the cafe I guess I might not even be that close to her now. We're just not that 'tight' a family I guess... or perhaps it's just me who isn't close to the rest of my siblings. 

  • 8:16 am
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