The Italian came back and he said yes! So… it looks like it’s going to happen. I’m not booking a removal van just yet but I am being a little bit more optimistic that the time will come soon when I will have to.

Sorry for the silence. I’ve no real excuse. I’ve been wrapped up in work, Patrick and trying not to get my hopes up that the house really has sold. I’ll know tomorrow about the house – well hopefully tomorrow anyway. The Italian came home today or is it tomorrow?!! I’m not sure but I assume that fairly soon after he is back in Birmingham I will know if he is still genuine in his offer to buy the place. Sadly for me as a seller the system over here allows someone to make an offer to buy, pay no deposit and right up until the contracts are signed (which can take an average of three months) they can back out and walk away leaving the vendor (ME!) to pick up the pieces and start again.

Still, I am being positive about this though not trying to hope too much that it is going to happen and happen soon.

I had a lovely lazy weekend. Patrick came over from Belfast and we spent Friday afternoon watching Prince Caspian in the cinema and then Saturday wandering around Harborne Village – I cannot resist the charity (thrift?) shops that sell used books cheaply. Then Sunday we went into Birmingham city centre to buy a couple of things and get the necessary items to make dinner. We are both trying to shift some winter weight (he REALLY doesn’t need to lose weight!) as we have some holidays ahead of us (yes more holidays!!!) and I want to fit comfortably into my kilt.

Work continues to be better since I told them I am leaving. I have picked up new skills in the short time I have been there though. I am much better at dealing with conflict and resolving problems as they arise. I have always been a bit of a disciplinarian in the classroom, believing that rules are set down to be obeyed but with the client group I am currently with it is difficult to do this in a straightforward way; they are so used to life on unemployment benefit that concepts like punctuality sometimes seem beyond them… funny though – they always know when it is time for a cigarette break and when the lesson should end.

So in some ways I am still in stasis here. It’s not as frustrating as it was before but perhaps a little boring. I so want to start the next exciting aspect of my life but am still bound to the old one. I know Desmond would be proud of what I am about to embark on (again) so once the house does sell it will be with very few regrets that I move on.

Thanks to sean for this link… I’ve been playing with it for ages!

I just wanted to point out that the reason I only mentioned the offer I got on the house in passing at the end of the letter is because I won’t start to even believe it is going to happen until I know the buyer has started the ball rolling with his solicitor. He has apparently gone to Italy for two weeks – he’s Italian btw – and so until those two weeks are up I daren’t get too excited.

Thanks to absolutely everyone for all the messages of congratulations on the news of my engagement. My head is still spinning but it is so great. I knew when I met Patrick that I had met a wonderful man and I am still realising how wonderful he is. I thought I was the man of surprises with my shock announcement of a trip to Krakow but a proposal on my birthday… you might think me stupid but I really did not see that coming!

In between all the wonderful theatre productions that we took in as part of the Pick & Mix festival we found time to scour Belfast city centre jewellers to find rings and after a few non-starters we found a lovely ring that we both thought right. I am wearing mine now (of course) and I keep playing with it as I consider what it symbolises. People at work noticed I was wearing a ring and it was nice to tell my co-workers my news. It was also nice that, outwardly at least, they seemed only happy for me – could we really be starting to live in a society more tolerant than before?

Patrick has a wide circle of friends in Belfast, many of whom are involved in the arts there so you could imagine that they would be more open and tolerant anyway but what was lovely was the warmth of their reception of me and the news. I had complete strangers coming up to me and squeezing my arm, shaking my hand etc and offering congratulations. It helped make the whole thing even more special.

I returned home on Monday morning and went straight to work, it was sad leaving Patrick as usual but it felt different this time. I felt some sense of peace this time. Work is a bit better – I basically handed in my notice on Thursday, I only have to confirm my end date. On top of all this I accepted an offer of just over 100K for the house! All this activity between Thursday and Monday morning… phew! So it looks like the plan may just work out.

I’m in Belfast as I type this, enjoying a very special birthday weekend. As many of you know, I haven’t really done much celebrating the last couple of birthdays, so this weekend P wanted to do something special. I said that I didn’t want to do anything too big as I’ve never really bothered with birthdays anyway, so we agreed to keep it to something intimate.

P works in the arts in Belfast, and got us tickets to see a number of shows at the Pick n Mix festival at the OMAC theatre. Pick n Mix is a weekend-long festival whereby the theatre companies of Northern Ireland showcase short performances – rehearsed readings, previews of work-in-progress, even full performances – as a chance to get a taste of what’s happening in theatre in NI. By the end of the weekend I will have seen 7 different performances! P is in one piece sitting in a wheelchair, wrapped in bandages and blowing a red trumpet – I’m so proud! 

Anyway, on Friday (my birthday) after we left OMAC, P took me out for a special birthday dinner. He took me to a restaurant called Beatrice Kennedy’s, near Queens University, where we had a magical night. The food was some of the nicest I think I have ever eaten in my life – I had moroccan lamb, P had loin of pork. It just melted in the mouth. The venue was relaxed and intimate too, and the staff were really lovely and very professional. I’ve decided that when I move to Belfast, we should eat in Beatrice Kennedy’s at least once a week! P may have to hold me back…

The best part was yet to come. When dessert arrived, the waitress also brought a little present box, all wrapped up. Inside was a pendant, and a note from P, who excused himself from the table so I could read it. The note said that he had made the pendant himself from two of our birthstones, Moonstone and Carnelian. It said how he wanted to be with me, and asked if I would agree to become engaged to him – it was a proposal! I was so surprised, I didn’t know what to say, except…

Yes.

Don’t worry, we haven’t gone completely off our rockers. We’re not running off to Gretna Green to tie the knot this instant – we will do that after we have lived together for awhile and settled in with one another. But the engagement is to confirm our commitment to one another – P said he especially wanted to make that commitment, as he knows I am making a big commitment by selling the house and moving to Belfast to be with him. What a lucky guy I am!

I’m not crying

Patrick hunted high and low; but still no sign of that damn suitcase!

Nothing doing just yet, some Italian guy came to give the house the once over on Saturday but nothing in the way of an offer as yet. It looks like I may have to proceed with the auction after all, despite the fact that I will almost certainly lose money.

It’s my birthday on Friday and I am off to Belfast to spend the weekend with Patrick and his mates – well they are my mates too I guess… at any rate they seem to like me! It will be great to be away for my birthday as that date will forever be connected with the last few weeks of Desmond’s life. I remember spending my 40th birthday with my sister giving the house a deep clean as Desmond was coming out of hospital the following day. I didn’t celebrate my birthday – obviously – but I remember that my sister’s children had bought me a card and made sure I had a slab of chocolate to toast them with. I can also remember how excited I was to have Desmond coming home as this second hospital stay was the one when the medical staff took me aside when I visited later in the morning after I had brought him in and told me not to expect him to live very long and that they would make him “comfortable” but I had to decide what interventions they could or should proceed with. I remember crying and crying and feeling at least some comfort in the fact that Desmond was too out of it to know I was so upset.

So he came home on the 14th June 2006 and died on 21 July. Never a day goes by without my thinking of him and I am lucky that I have a partner like Patrick who patiently listens to me as I go on and on about my past life with him. When do you stop talking about your dead? It’s okay, I know the answer – you never do.

Still, it’s my birthday on Friday and I am 42! Wouldn’t it be great if before I went away to Belfast I had an offer on the house and I was able to hand my notice in from that job I so dislike these days? …Wouldn’t it just!

Another chance presents itself to get the ball rolling on the next part of my life story… in other words I have two people coming to view the house on Saturday and then another one on Tuesday! I keep having to gee myself up; try to keep as optimistic as possible. I am managing it for the most part.

I’m sorry that I seem unable to blog about much more than this these days but obviously it is on my mind almost constantly. I have done some other things though, seen films, took Patrick on a romantic suprise trip to Poland and also seen some brilliant bits of theatre too. It’s just that I’m not really chatting too much about that – I will try harder!

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

The one person that I was counting on to come and view the house and hopefully snap it up cancelled at the last moment… that’s three cancellations to view in a row. I was a bit upset and down about it yesterday but I’ve put that aside now and I have at least two people in to view the house over the weekend – so my fingers continue to be crossed.

It’s going to be strange having the whole weekend at home without Patrick but he is coming on Monday night and we are going to see Duke Special at the Glee Club. I’m very excited but also nervous… will he sing as beautifully as he does on CD????? All will be revealed I guess.