I lost Desmond at 5pm on July 21st 2006 and, as people who read me regularly will know, he has never been very far from my thoughts. I spent today doing pretty much my usual stuff; a three hour one to one teaching session with one of my students and a bit of time at home before going over to my practice rooms to see a therapy client and of course I thought about Desmond perhaps a little more than usual.

He had such an amazing impact on my life, I totally believe that I wouldn't be the person I am today if it wasn't for him. He opened up a world to me that I might have missed out on and he was perhaps the only person whose advice I could trust to be impartial - though I regularly ignored it!! He was my best friend, my partner in crime and undoubtedly my soulmate. I only regret that so many years were between us meaning that we were parted earlier than either of us would have liked.

Still, I was glad I was there right till the end and the last person he saw on this earth was me. He saved my life when I was young and heading for trouble and though I couldn't save his life three years ago at least he knew I tried.

God bless you Desmond I love you still.

This was the first weekend since I moved here that I was all alone in the house - Patrick went home to see his parents and I had to stay as they have a dog and besides you are not allowed to take dogs on trains here. It was an interesting experience being here alone as I have almost forgotten what it felt like. After Desmond died I was in the house a lot on my own and I can't say I ever got used to it. It was mostly the knowlege that I was the only human in the house at night, something which always made me uncomfortable. I had a fairly busy weekend all in all but the nights I was alone and it felt a bit uncomfortable on the first night in particular.

Saturday was fun. Two gal pals and me took part in our first car boot sale. We had a load of 'junk' we wanted to clear so we put it all into a car and went to a market site to try and offload it all. It turned out to be quite a laugh and we made some money, so that was great. The market closed at 12 so we then went into St George's Market in Belfast city centre. The market there is brilliant. They have a general market on Friday and on Saturday it is a food and arts market. Most of the food is hand made and simply delicious, there are lots of organic goodies and a few stall selling really good fish. I mainly go to buy the fish and as I am trying to sort my health out havng a few good portions of fisjh in the fridge each week encourages me to eat very well indeed.

Sunday I went back into Belfast for the 'Black Market' which is an arts and craft market held indoor at a music venue here called the Black Box. I have been meaning to go for months now and so I took the absence of Patrick as a reason to get on my bike and cycle in. The market itself was a little disappointing; the majority of the stalls didn't really have much of interest for me. There was one stall though that caught my eye and this was because many of the items for sale had been on our stall the day before!! I don't think the guy remembered me but I had a little laugh all the same.

I went to the dentist today to see if there is a dental reason for all this pain but the good news is that my teeth are fine, so it can't be that. I have stepped up my efforts to reduce my blood pressure without the use of prescription drugs and having done a bit of research online I have started taking food supplements of calcium, potassium, magnesium, garlic, coQ10 and Omega 3 tablets. In addition to all of that I am drinking organic, uncooked beetroot juice!! Yes, it seems that the answer is beetroot! Check out this link for more information. I'm having my BP checked on Wednesday so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

It was my 43rd birthday on June 13th and it is time to accept the inevitable - I am not going to live forever and parts of me are starting to wear out!! It's my own fault so no sympathy required. I started smoking when I was in my early twenties and drank waaaaaay to much well into my thirties and my weight has gone up and down since I was in my late twenties. I've fared better so far than some of the people from my wild youth - I haven't died and I'm reasonably sane still (reasonably!!).

But I have been ill for five weeks now and it is getting me down. I have worried that it is something REALLY serious and to be honest I still don't know for sure what is going on, but it probably isn't anything serious - just very annoying. I do know one thing and that's that my blood pressure is 20 points higher than it should be. That's really very bad and that alone could explain why I have been so ill. My doctor wants me to go on medication for it but I am very resistant to this as I know that once one goes onto blood pressure meds you are on them for life. I have done a deal with the doctor and that is that I will have my pressure checked on a weekly basis and after a few weeks, if it hasn't gone down I will start the medication.

Meanwhile I have stopped smoking and have adopted my healthy eating plan (again). I have already started to lose weight and I do not really drink at all anymore. I am hoping that with the addition of some gentle exercise to the above my blood pressure will come down and I will avoid having to take tablets at least for a while.

 I love this song and the video too - what do you think of it?? 

I'm three weeks into what the doctor is calling an 'ear infection' it is driving me slowly insane as the pain goes from my shoulder to my head on my left hand side. I have been getting at tops four hours sleep a night on average and as a consequence am falling asleep in the most unsuitable places at the most inconvenient times!! I have been keeping up with people's blogs but not felt like writing much myself. That's still pretty much the case but I thought I should drop in and just write something!

So, rather than just logging in to complain about how sick of being sick I am I will tell you a bit of what I've been up to recently... I may as well do what I can as I wait for the painkillers to kick in!

My mom is continuing to heal - very slowly - following her knee operation. I wish I could be there to help her as I feel sure that she needs to look at what she is eating as a way to speed up healing. Her and my dad and aunt eat sensibly enough but they could eat even better I think. She is in good spirits most of the time though and she is hoping that she gets enough movement back very soon so that she can get back into her car - she has really missed the freedom element of being able to get in the car and drive.

My sister is preparing to support her daughter in the months ahead as the rape trial is set for August. They only have one man arrested for the crime and he is refusing to name the others and it would seem he is gong so far as to say that he was the only one there - not true as there is other DNA evidence. I think that my niece is going to have to be very brave over the next few months but hopefully they will win and that piece of scum will be off the streets for at least a little while and women will be the safer for it.

I'm finally seeing a real growth in my business - I had leaflets printed as I think I already blogged about and there have been several calls from people booking sessions with me. In addition to that I have started teaching English to private students. I have two students so far and hopefully more coming soon - I advertise on Gumtree as it is a free way to get myself 'out there'. I'm now earning enough that I don't have to keep dipping into what is left of the money from the sale of my house - this is a very good thing as there is precious little left.

All in all things are going well. I just want to start feeling better - soon!

I've been a bit poorly this week with a pulled muscle in my neck, or something or another. I've been catching up on some TCM films but also some of my BBC videos - I've bought all the H & B dvds and I'm enjoying them very much.

It's been a year since Patrick proposed on my birthday and last year over that same weekend was the Belfast Pick 'n' Mix festival. This is a great opportunity to see some of the most exciting theatre groups in action as they present rehearsed readings and first act performances of new writings and productions they plan to develop and present in the coming year.

This year, as last year, I have my Pick 'n' Mix 'passport' which means I get to see lots of the perfomances for a much reduced rate - six shows for £20.00! Yesterday I went to see the first act performance of  A Night With George where a middle-aged Catholic woman from Belfast steals, and runs home with a life sized cardboard cut out of George Clooney who she proceeds to spend the night telling her life story too. It was by turns comic and tragic and took in the 'troubles' the hunger strikers and post peace agreement politics. Sounds serious but it was all handled deftly by the writer and the actress who, despite a coughing fit halfway through which had us all worrying that she wouldn't make it to the end, was perfectly cast as a woman on the verge of HRT and trying to come to terms with her very empty house.

Patrick went to see another play that was on two hours later so missed this one but we met back at the theatre for a rehearsed reading of a play called 'Bison'. This is an Australian play which it seems was very contraversial and also extremely successful in Oz. I have to say that I was left cold and rather depressed by the whole thing. It sets out to tell the stories of four gay men met up in an Australian bath house. I found  many of the performances overwrought and the message muddled. I guess at this point in my life I don't need to see gay men's self loathing paraded in front of me and although I don't expect every gay film or play or novel to be life affirming surely we have gotten past presenting our lives as being a search for nothing more than the GDM ("There is no Great Dark Man" - Quentin Crisp). It was very bleak and I don't think I'll go back to see the final production.

Today I'm seeing three performances - Tracy Plot by Red Lemon (a brilliant and visually stunning physical theatre company: I'm a big fan though it should be acknowledged that I know several of the actors!), Girl On A Sofa by Prime Cut Productions - a Belfast based company that has been responsible for bringing new writing to the island from all across the world and finally at 9pm we shall be watching the Bruiser Theatre Company reading of The Government Inspector by Nikolai Gogol - Bruiser are another brilliant production company, I saw their version of 'Oh What A Lovely War!' recently and was astounded by the quality of the piece; the acting, choriography etc.

I think that Tracy Plot and The Government Inspector are probably the two things I have been most looking forward to seeing over the weekend but there is so much more to see - we get home tonight and then have even more to look forward to on Sunday. I like my life here, Belfast is such an interesting place to be and I am doing and experiencing so much more here than I did in my last few years in Birmingham.

It was my birthday on Friday - 43! I am feeling good about that, I have always feared death more than old age and so 43 is not a scary number at all.  I wasn't going to bother doing anything to celebrate it though - Patrick and I hadn't long been back from our holiday and we are both quite busy with this and that but in the end it was decided for me by Patrick and Clare that I was going to have a barbecue on the day after my birthday (Patrick was being a randy hand in an Italian play till Saturday night - don't ask!).

I was supposed to just let them do it and sit back and enjoy it but that's just not me and although I left them to organise the charring of meat side of things I got down to sorting out the rest of the food. My birthday was spend baking; breads, muffins, chocolate banana cake etc etc and then Sunday morning was taken up with making guacamole(s), houmous(es?), tapenades, potato salad and more cakes! I took a picture of the table when it was more or less fully stocked for the first round of the day and if I can find it I'll paste it in below.

It turned out to be a lovely day and I was very happy to be greeting and feeding so many people. The weather was a bit dodgy at times - we even had a thunderstorm, but all in all it was a lovely day and I don't think anyone left with a less than full belly.

I'm excited because a few weeks ago I took the plunge and ordered 5,000 leaflets to advertise my business in various places around Belfast and they have arrived!!! I had to carry them back from the shop and they were heavy but now they are here and I can't stop looking at them.  I'm planning to ensure I never leave the house without twenty or thirty of them in my bag in case I see somewhere that they might be able to sit for a while before tempting people to pick them up and take them home then call me.

Front

back - sorry it's so blurred!

Patrick and I just got back from an amazing week in Austria. When we booked the trip it was mainly because it was such a good deal and also because we fancied a quiet week away from home, work, serach for work etc. In the end we had a very action packed week with lots of walking, cycling, and sightseeing. It turned out to be a lovely week weather-wise and we met some lovely people too. We went to a small village called Schwendau which is in the Zillertal valley (pictured above). At first we were just blown away by the stunning scenery and we sat on the balcony of our hotel room just saying "wow!" every now and then but we decided to book up for a few excursions and the days flew by. Here is a link to some pictures: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=129117&id=574312488&l=184750b0a8

I had a very busy May with interviews and some therapy jobs coming through at last so it was good to get away and do something different.

I got offered the Shift Supervisor job at Starbucks but decided to turn it down in the end. The shift pattern was a joke and one way or another it just wouldn't have fitted in with me trying to develop the business. I hope I made the right decision - in fact I know I did, I just need to get something more suitable lined up. I had my criminal record check chat with the college here in Belfast on Wednesday and they wrote to me the following day to confirm that all is well with it and so now I just have to wait for some classes to filter through from them.

My mom continues to heal but very slowly - she is without arthritis pain at least but I know she is hoping that she will get the full use of the knee and soon. I think I'll fly over to see her in the next week or so to see how she is getting on.

So that's me for now - how have you been?

I feel really bad for not blogging for ages. I've been really busy and I am currently on holiday in Austria. I'll blog about it when I'mback.

That is what is said by many people in Belfast with regard to the Titanic! Since THAT film Belfast has taken Titanic to its heart and is building up a tourist industry around it, and why not? If nothing else it must be the most famous ship in history.

Earlier this week I had a job interview working in a cafe called The Pump House, see it here. The cafe is in one of the original buildings from the time of the Titanic that still exists so it was of interest for that reason alone - though the cafe and the job seemed okay too. The interview went well enough and I may take the job if it is offered to me but what was great was that going to that interview brought me into a part of Belfast I have only viewed from the hill our house sits on.

It is a district very much in a process of change and although new apartments and office space is going up they are thankfully keeping what remains of the Harland and Wolf past.

I know that Belfast is a city that is (almost) on the sea and of course I arrived by sea when I moved Fintan and our stuff here in November, but it is sometimes easy to forget that all that water is there! Going to the interview and the Titanic Quarter brought me right back down to the docks on thankfully a bright and dry day so I took a few pictures.

Don't laugh at my photography 'skills'! This was just the view out to the Belfast lough from the Dry dock (to the left of course is the wet dock!)

Acros from where I was standing you can see the mountains on the North side of Belfast - the rust bucket passing by was huge.

I took this picture from the lough end of the dry dock, this is where ships like Titanic and its sister ships 'Olympic' and 'Britannic' would have been painted and checked over. You can begin to imagine the length that those ships must have been - it took me several minutes to walk from one end to the other.

A view from the other end that takes in the Pump House on the left, see what I mean about the length of the dock?

An artists impression, I am guessing, of how Titanic must have looked. Impressive huh?!

Other news: My mom is still in hospital following her knee replacement operation. I haven't managed to speak to her yet but have exchanged a few texts and my dad has kept me informed as to how she is. I know that she is in a lot of pain at the moment but I guess that it was, after all, a rather serious and invasive operation and it is to be expected. I'm hoping she is out and home soon and on the eay to recovery - though she will have to go through it again as the other knee will need attention too.

I had another interview at Belfast Metropolitan College on Thursday - this time to go on the register for ESOL/EFL tutors. It went very well indeed and I think I hit it off well with the people interviewing me. If I haven't mentioned it already I had a letter back from BMC this week regarding the Invigilators register and they have accepted me on that pending criminal record checks etc. Hopefully this will be without the stresses that occured the last time I had to have these checks done.

My bread making is going from strength to strength and I don't think I could ever go back to shop bought bread now! Today I made a delicious tomato and oregano loaf... it is almost gone!

Hope you are all having a good weekend!